I've thought about doing this several times. And by that I mean I've uttered the phrase "I wonder if I should have a blog" to myself more than twice. Usually I ignore me. I have a habit of rambling on and on, and I just get tired of listening to me. But anyway, here I am typing away at the beginnings of what could eventually become a blog.

I don't plan on telling anyone about this for a while. Not until the readability goes up quite a bit. And the best way to do that seems to be getting a theme. It's not going to be updates on my life. My life is not that interesting. For the most part I do the same 10-12 things over and over. I suppose it could be built around arguments I have with myself, but people already think I'm more than a bit odd, so encouraging that notion seems like a bad idea.

There's 5000 blogs about writing, because writers write, and we're told to write what we know. So that's out. I'm not usually inclined to get all poetical, so the idea has to be worth more than just the cleaver way it's said.

There aren't many things I feel qualified to give advice on. The couple things I'm natually good at just kinda come to me. The couple of things I've gotten good at are the result of hard work, practice, or something equally unhelpful, not some brilliant insight into the way things work.

Rules though. I'm pretty good at coming up with rules for myself. Not in the "Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?" sense. More like: "Things should be a certain way, and if they're different, they're wrong." I'm stubborn and particular, so this ought to give me plenty of fodder.

For instance, today at work an intern was telling me his plans for after school, including where he's going to live. He'll be sharing a 2 bedroom apartment near Wilshire with 4 other guys. Bad on so manly levels. So for this first installment, I'll repeat (roughly) what I said to him (And hopefully someone will read this someday and be a bit more receptive to it than he was.)

MIKE'S RULES FOR (LA) APARTMENTS:

1. Do not share a room.

This one applies no matter what city you live in. You're not in college any more. You don't move back to your parents' house every 8 months. Shit accumulates quickly. Apartments are not generally known for excessively large closets. Add to that the fact that you and your roommates all have different ideas of what constitutes "clean", and the odds that your place will - at some point - become the hang-out for some large group of people, and what you're left with is the undeniable conclusion that you're going to need a sliver of floor with four walls to call your own. Do NOT share a room.

2. Live in the valley.

Yes, the city is fun. It's cool. It's flashey. It's not derided on everything from Entourage to... really anything set in LA. But if you live in the valley YOU CAN AFFORD YOUR OWN ROOM. Ventura Blvd is less famous than Sunset. It's also easier to get a table. And drinks cost $2-3 less. Yes, there are great deals to be had in the city, and if you find a nice place on the west side, by all means grab it. But beware of bitchy, bipolar, geriatric landladies. They exist. They are not worth the hassle. In fact:

3. Beware of bitchy, bipolar, geriatric landladies.

Moving on.

4. Try for a townhouse, or if you're lucky, a house-house.

Upstairs neighbors stomp around on their hardwood floors. If they're the amorous type they'll wake you with their 3-am booty calls. Downstairs neighbors complain about you tiptoeing above them at noon on Tuesday. Go for a place where your ceiling isn't someone else's floor. Bonus: if you rent a nice ranch house, your buddies will love you for not asking them to move your sleeper sofa up three flights of stairs.

5. For F@#$'s Sake DO NOT live with an actor!

It's not that all actors are crazy. It's not that the demands of the profession make them all snap. Or that the struggle of getting that foot in the door saps all their power of reason (and being reasonable.) It's just that the type of people attracted to that lifestyle are predisposed to being a little nuts to begin with. And then, the ones that actually make a go of it have about a 90% psycho rate. And the worst part is, if they're any good at all, they'll be able to hide it from you for at least 3 months. And if they're not any good, you're gonna be covering their rent every other month from now until you gently break it to them that you're moving on to a better place -any one that doesn't include them. If you're lucky, they won't steal your bed, your dresser, and the remains of your sanity. You're not lucky.